Lake Cumberland Country Store

■ The Store is in the CENTRAL TIME ZONE. 1 Hour behind Louisville / Same Time as Nashville.

That's handy to know.

■ Search The Internet

Screw Google, I'm using Kaftos!

■ Groceries Available at Lake Cumberland Country Store Milk / Bread / Soft Drinks / Sandwich Meats / Bacon / Eggs / Juice / Snacks / and much more

Again with the bacon...

■ Breakfast starts at 5 AM everyday and if you are a little early it is OK
we are normally in by 4:30 AM If the light is on come on in.

My first thought was that the period and comma keys must not be working on their keyboard, but then I saw the period at the end of the "sentence." I've now begun work on a new hypothesis.

■ The Store is in the CENTRAL TIME ZONE. 1 Hour behind Louisville / Same Time as Nashville

Okay, you already told me that, but I guess that's pretty important to know so I can get there in time to buy bacon.

■ New Survey Just IN! now 9 out of 10 Brown Trout Prefer our Baits!!!!!!!!!! 7 out of 10 Stripers Now Prefer our Bait See the Picture >>>>>>>>>>>>>

I am in awe of their fish surveying skills.

■ A full line of fishing tackle and supplies including: Scroll down below Picture

Was anyone able to look past the Picture at the full line of fishing tackle and supplies? I certainly couldn't. I was captivated by the Picture.

■ The Store is in the CENTRAL TIME ZONE. 1 Hour behind Louisville / Same Time as Nashville

Okay, I get it.

■ 4.5 pound Walleye

Which one's the walleye?

■ The Store is in the CENTRAL TIME ZONE
1 Hour behind Louisville Same Time as Nashville

Now you're just pissing me off.

8:53 AM     |    

Shell

Jeroen van der Veer has too many names. His responsibilities include Legal and Mexico.

■ He has skated two of the Netherlands' 'eleven-cities' tours, in 1986 and 1997.

Why the long lay off in between, Jeroen van der Veer?

Malcolm Brinded after eating too much salsa.

Rob Routs melted cheese into his trousers.

■ He speaks English, Dutch, French, German and, to a lesser degree, Swedish and Italian.

Slacker.

The guy from Volcano Village must have named the Bonga Deepwater Project.

Exploring the future by karate-chopping a book.

Hey look, Shell is talking about their strategy, and they use a chess piece graphic. I would have never thought of that. I mean, when I think of strategy, I think of chess. That is brilliant.

This guy looks like he was run over by a car powered by Shell gasoline.

■ About You

Get out of my head!

9:17 PM     |    

Volcano Village

This site is so chock full of crapular goodness that I know I will only cover a small little sliver of it. But what a sliver!

■ VolcanoVillage.Com's famous Men in Mu'u Mu'us

I have no idea.

How high is this guy?

More talking goodness can be found here, along with just about everything else known to man. I like his bandana. By the way, the flash guy's eyes follow your cursor after he's done yapping.

■ Meet Uncle Daryl. Would you buy a paper from this guy?
Give Uncle Daryl a spin. Just hold cursor on him and move left or right

Be sure to give him a spin after he's done being loaded.

Uncle Daryl also likes to hula.

■ Open from 6:30 am to 7:30 pm 7 days (Opens around 7:00 am or 7:15 on Ola's days)Snacks, coffee, beer, gas, volcano information

This November I am going to give thanks that this place sells gas. Otherwise I would have never had the privilege to bask in its glory.

■ Don't just take a dirt nap. Do it in style, Hawaiian style! in a hand crafted Koa wood coffin.

That is certainly interesting advertising.

Before you die, make sure you get your very own Volcano Fantasy Photo like this one.

Fireworks by the gas station. What could happen?

As I said, I bring you just a slice of this site. Please explore on your own and share your findings with everyone in the comments.

10:41 PM     |    

Ossipee Store

The yellow car crashes into "We Deliver" five times before it gives up. Go ahead. Count.

■ Our restaurant now has in-house seating and we are now serving breakfast!

In-house seating?! Finally! I was getting sick of sitting outside in Minnesota in January trying to eat my pancakes.

You are now serving breakfast? Now? At 10:27 PM? You guys are crazy.

Look at their beautiful and luxurious restaurant. Reminds me of my basement.

They also sell bait, or whatever this is.

■ Keep watching we will soon have an updated fishing report. Have a fishing story to tell? Looking for fishing spots. Log on to our forum and check out what other people are saying about the fishing hot spots.

It's called punctuation. It's not really optional.

Come on. You know that when you think of food, you think of Town House crackers.

■ We are serving homemade pizza, hamburgers, french fries & appetizers.

Right now? Along with the breakfast? Man, I'm getting full.

■ Our store features a full line of grocery and convenience items including milk, pop, juices, snacks, candy, chips, cheeses, bacon and more.

Bacon?

■ Stop in for your cold beverages!

Mmm.. ice cold coffee.

■ We serve coffee, hot chocolate and cappacino. We also have a variety of ice cold beverages: jucies, pop, beer.

I'll take a cappacino and two jucies.

They could only afford one bullet point for this page.

10:24 PM     |    

Miley

Wow, this place has everything, except a decent website.

■ Welcome to the home page of the Miley family of businesses.

I can't tell you how excited I get by a family of businesses and a family of websites. It just makes me all warm and fuzzy.

They certainly went all out on the page for their Amoco station.

■ "In Savings, In Service, In 100% Satisfaction you're Miles ahead with Miley".

I would have thought they could have worked a "smiley" in there somewhere.

■ When Red Miley went looking for a car wash system for his Amoco Service Station he was determined to find the best wash for his customers.

Red Miley is the man. Now if he could only find a picture of his car wash to scan that doesn't have a crease right down the middle.

■ Kelly Auto Air: More than Just Air!!

Then why not call it something else? That name is really misleading. How about "Kelly Auto More Than Air"? Or maybe "A Bunch Of Crap You Don't Need, Kelly"?

I'm going to ask them to put a big engine in my cartoon car like this one.

FYI, Red Miley employs an ax-wielding clown named Buffo.

Just in case you wanted to see a whole lot of pictures of cars, have at it.

This thing just creeps me out.

9:27 PM     |    

Loren's Auto Repair

When they say "Meet Our Staff of Professionals," they mean meet. This is the most thorough "Meet the Staff" page I've ever seen.

Like for Loren himself:

■ Loren is the founder of Loren’s Auto Repair Inc. He grew up on a farm in Willow Creek, MT where he learned to make and repair anything on the farm. After high school he attended one year of college in Agriculture Mechanics then trained as a jet engine mechanic in the Air Force. Later he spent a year studying at Montana Auto College in Great Falls, MT. Most of his experience has been in GM dealerships until he started his own shop in 1985. Loren has 30 years experience and is ASE Master and L1 advanced performance certified. He is also a member of iATN (International Automotive Technicians’ Network), an internet technicians forum. He is married to Denise his business partner and they have 2 grown children. Loren enjoys boating, exploring, bicycling and motorcycle riding. Loren is very involved with many Christian men’s ministries including Bible Study Fellowship and Prison Impact Ministries. Loren and Denise are also members of the Kalispell Chamber of Commerce.

I wonder what kind of impact Loren has in the prison. I also wish I knew what he did on March 19th, 1975.

■ After working as a motorcycle policeman for the Los Angeles Police Department for 27½ years...

Had to throw that half in there, didn't you?

■ He has been married to his wife Yvonne for 20 Years and has 4 boys, Justin the oldest is married to his wife Laura who gave birth to their first child Everett Michael in September 2003. Marc is now a proud grandparent. Brandon is the next oldest son and is going to attend the Art institute of Portland in July 2004. Marc, Yvonne and their two younger sons, Nathan and Damon like to go camping and fishing. Marc & Yvonne have horses and like to trail ride.

Marc, Yvonne and Justin don't speak to Brandon anymore since he's going to "art" school. Damon still talks to him since he's too young to know better. The less said about Nathan, the better.

■ This year he is excited about enjoying Tech inspecting for the Legends series at the local race track, a first time opportunity.

What?

■ Mckeag grew up in the Flathead Valley. No kids yet but a Boxer puppy named Gauge.

It figures a guy named Mckeag would spell it "Gauge."

■ Aaron married his wife, Angie in December of 2001. They have two children together, Mathew age 10 and Johnny age 9.

Either Aaron built a time machine, or he had himself some premaritals with Angie.

■ Pita passed away on June 3, 2002.

This page is so complete, they have a picture and bio for a dead dog.

■ Baxter is our "greeter in training". He has a lot of potential and he enjoys saying hi to everyone. With Pita's guidance this past year he will now take over for her.

And the dead dog's replacement. Creepy.

■ When your car is in need of repair, don't despair, take it to Loren's Auto Repair located in Ashley Square

Dude, you are a poet, and you don't even know it.

10:40 PM     |    

Sean's LEGO Shell Gas Station

Amazingly, there are other LEGO gas stations on the web. As you already know, our good friend Chris Fortier already has one. Sean here has much more talent, but his gas station isn't very exciting. The 3D rendering of it is very unnecessary.

This city puts the Antoine Level to shame.

Ultimately, Sean's site is not very satisfying. When I think of grown men that build things out of LEGOs, I think dementia. Sean seems way too professional and balanced for his chosen vocation.

There are others though...
- Thomas Main
- ESSO Gas Station
- A review of a LEGO gas station set.
- KRW's insanity.
- Peter's Gas Station

Stay tuned for LEGO Gas Station Websites!

7:26 PM     |    

Broadway Service Center

Dale Earnhardt watches over our mechanics as they stand in order by height.

■ So with this and our three technicians, two which are master technicians...

The third of which is an escapee from a mental asylum. Guess which is which!

If this is your license plate, you may have won free gasoline! Or the right to sue us!

In case you were wondering, yes, people really do win free gas at the Broadway Service Center.

This is the first time I've seen radiobuttons, checkboxes and button as art. It's quite breathtaking.

Wow, the tiny blurry guy with most of his head cut off is talking to me! I can tell by the hand-drawn speech bubble!

7:03 PM     |    

Chuck's Auto Service

The weird thing is that I have this exact image tattooed on my bottom.

■ In the event of an emergency, we provide roadside service that meets, and in all cases, exceeds auto industry standards.

If it really exceeds in all cases, can't you just say exceeds? Why not say you provide services that doesn't meet, sort of meets, meets, kind of exceeds and exceeds?

■ Through the use of the latest technology, we follow each vehicle closely from initial call to its final destination.

That's just creepy.

■ Our equipment is the envy of the industry.

That's what she said.

■ Our modern headquarters located in Chicopee, Ma, USA

I can't tell if that building is really small or really big. It's like an optical illusion.

■ Whether you're stranded in a New England hail storm or a "Nor'easter", you can depend on Chuck's Auto Service to handle even the most minute details, we cover everything, including a prompt itemized appraisal, 24 hour towing, and the highest quality repair services in the Auto Body & Towing business.

Oh my god, that was one sentence, it just kept going, and he thought he could get away with it by using commas, but he couldn't.

8:45 PM     |    

The Horny Toad C-Store/Gas Dock

Three words: girls in bikinis.

Screw Flash, I'll do the intro as an animated gif and an mp3 file.

Also on the premises is Peckers Gourmet Grill and Bar.

Our History as a jpeg.

After gassing up, go parasailing behind an F-16 Tomcat.

This has to be the best feedback I've ever seen on a GSW:
■ My experience as someone living nearby is that Toad Cove (please, that's not the name of it) is a disaster to our neighborhood. Thanks to your establishment we have had people puking and pissing in our yard and driveway. People throwing beer on my husband because they tore down one of our no parking signs, fighting in our yard at 2 am after leaving your place, throwing their frigging "toad" cups in our yard and lots of other wholesome "family" fun.

I wonder if the gas fumes make it to the nightclub.

5:16 PM     |    

Simonson Station Stores

Sorry for not posting new sites the last few days. I was eating tacos in California. Really.

We have women in dresses squeegee your windows! Look, we really do!

Just try to read our website! It's more important for you to see our logo 40 times in the background than to read our text!

■ Clean Indoor Restrooms

No dirty outhouses? Count me out.

■ Roadhouse Cafe

Now featuring Patrick Swayze as the bouncer! What else does he have to do these days?

We will cover your car in silly string!

■ Biilards and Jukebox

Oops.

■ Full 2-29 Cafe Menu

Is that like a 5-5-5 deal? Or is it some reference to leap year?

■ Served With Waitress Service

Sexists.

■ Great Selection of On/Off Sale Beer and Liquor

Give me some of that off sale beer and liquor. Yum.

12:13 PM     |    

Our first response

It took 31 postings, but we finally heard from our first gas station website webmaster.

The webmaster from Shady Cove 76 Taco Bell Express dropped in with a comment and a couple of shouts referencing California and tacos.

They also took down the Shady Cove 76 website in response, and made this lovely graphic.

I'm truly flattered. I hope I can score some free tacos the next time I visit Shady Cove.

8:59 PM     |    

Primo's

Another one page wonder.

■ The aromas of Broasted Chicken, Pizza and a vast selection of hot and cold deli sandwiches drift throughout the store and await your tastebud's pleasure.

I always thought my nose was pleasured by aromas.

■ Everyone forgets to pack something and Primo's has thought ahead for those that do.

If everyone forgets, then there isn't a separate group of people made up of "those that do." It's everyone. And I resent being called forgetful.

■ And there's none of that last chance"how bad do you want it" mentality here.

What a scam. I have to pay extra for that at my local dominatrix's too.

■ Don't forget your munchies and hand packed ice cream for later.

I already asked you once to stop insinuating that I'm forgetful. Besides, I prefer my ice cream to be packed with some kind of utensil, not someone's dirty greasy hand. Yuck.

■ Gas, propane, Lotto, wine & spirts, and hot coffee with the latest fishing information. Everything you need in one convenient location.

No spirts for me, thank you. Besides, that's not everything I need. I can think of a few others...

- Saw Blade Art
- A trucker's daughter
- Sewer dump
- A shower room with an exposed toilet
- Aboriginal Enterprises
- Cream Corn Delite and Sara Bell Louise
- An exciting career at Blimpie's
- Photos of signs on I55
- An Awesome Technician who has played Professional Volleyball
- BabaGanouge and Shish Kafta
- Downtown Tower
- Beard growing contests
- Diverse looney tunes popouts
- Kok's Kar Klinic
- Homemade Nickelodeon logos
- Keys to the Cavalier
- Itchy Loundagin
- Athena
- Ray Rust
- Bill Butt's Mini convertible
- Unlimited clearance
- Dirty Larry's shirt
- Kliffi
- 5/5/5 deals

The "minds" behind Primo's website have this to say:
■ We like to think of ourselves as "a citadel of copious conceptualists concerned with composing a collage of classy custom creations, complementing our customer's characteristics".

They need one more word at the end of that sentence:

Crappily.

7:58 PM     |    

Mike's BP Tire Center

How can you fit so much hilarlity into one single web page? Amazing.

■ Now - Mike's BP Tire Center

Now. Later? Tuesday?

■ Keep It in the family!

Whoah. What does this have to do with tires?

■ Being local residents just like you who've built businesses here in the Greensboro area, we understand how important it is to you that bouth your vehicle and your dollar go as far as they can.

I think bouth of these sentences need to be broken up.

■ Quality selection you can count on to have the tier that you need

Let me get this one straight so there's no confusion. You have a bullet point touting your quality. In this bullet point, you mention the product that is the foundation of your business and your livelihood. And you misspell it.

■ Ok, they are on Market, but you have to look behind the Amoco Gas Station as shown below

Ok, thanks for telling me that. Ok, now I know where to look for this establishment, Ok.

■ Few Automotive Service Centers can do NC Inspections for BMW's Some may try, but they will damage your BMW.

Some may get sued too.

■ Mike's Service Center can do all types of vehicles and yes even your Beamer and leave you happy and just Beaming!

Clever. You see what he did there? He took the nickname of BMW (Beamer) and turned it into a verb! He also has punctuatiaphobia.

■ Try them today and be sure to tell them that The Cajun Cowboy sent you!

Good Lord, do you think I want to get my ass kicked? I will do no such thing. (Nice MIDI though).

11:31 PM     |    

Fleetwood Car Care

Nothing says you care about your customers more than a hideous website on Angelfire.

■ THE BEST WAY TO GET THERE

If these are directions, they fail miserably. If this is supposed to be a slogan, it fails miserably.

■ WE ARE 24 HOURS OPEN EXXON GASOLINE FILLING STATION

Of proud you am I.

■ 87 OCTANE EXXON REGULAR - STILL VERY POWERFULL

Hey, blue text on a blue background looks awesome! Making a backhanded compliment about your top selling gasoline is also awesome. As is misspelling "powerful."

■ For All Your Comments & Complaints

They cut to the chase and provide you a link to send in your complaints. Apparently no one complained about blue text on a blue background. Or maybe they couldn't see the link because it was blue text on a blue background. I think I just blew my own mind.

■ Fleetwood Car Care is 24 hours open FULL SERVICE EXXON gasoline filing station.

Good, I need to do my taxes soon.

I don't know what awards this is referring to. Maybe it's just a general "awards," because if anyone has an award, they would surely give it to this website.

■ QUALITY IS NOT EXPENSIVE

And neither is an Angelfire website put together over lunch.

11:52 PM     |