Gas Station Websites

Online information on MOT testing

2005-12-03T20:47:00.000-06:00

I have no idea what this site is for, but they have a car wash and some of it has something to do with cars. I think. I guess it really isn't that important to put the name of your establishment anywhere on your site.

My favorite part was the lovely navigation on the left. Mouse over the options and they slide open. Click them and it sounds like you did something wrong.

The site complains about gas stations, or the cost of gas, or something.

■ Some thoughts from a long suffering petrol station operator (who has now given up the fight, and opened a hand car wash centre on what was a petrol forecourt)

He goes on and on, but to be honest, I didn't read it. Too many words. For example:

■ One thing is for sure - everything that is given away as a discount and incentive will one day be clawed back, with interest!

Whatever.

So, he switched over to a car wash.

■ A swarm of experts will descend on your vehicle and give it the personal and gentle treatment that is only available with hand and eye coordination and a human touch.

How many years of training are needed to qualify as an expert in car washing?

Completely unrelated to car washing and MOT testing, we have flying!

■ Learning to fly isn't cheap - anything you have read or have been told saying that it is just not true.

I can't tell if they are missing another "is" or a grasp of grammar.

■ Pilots Manual Computer (known as a WhizzWheel)

I have one of those. It's gross.

Hey, here's a fake picture that has a plane in it. That's as related as everything else on this site.

As you would expect, this site also has a page explaining MP3s. Of course.

Like any good website, it has a guestbook.

■ Excellent Site, Excellently Written, Will Show This To The Next Moaning Customer, Thanks

I guess there was another page I couldn't find related to prostitution. Bummer.

Make sure you fill out their questionnaire. Suggested comments include "What are you talking about?", "Dude, pick a topic", and "Please post more fake pictures of airplanes getting hand-washed with petrol by experts listening to MP3s."

Kiwi Careers: Service Station Attendant

2005-10-08T20:36:00.000-05:00

Every once in a while, Gas Station Websites provides the public service of sharing information on how to break into the exciting world of gas station employment. This is one of those times.

■ Service station attendants assist motorists in getting petrol, gas or oil for their vehicle, and sell motoring accessories and food items.

That's it in a nutshell. "How much more information could there possibly be?", you may ask. "Plenty," I would reply.

■ Mahi ai ki te awhina i nga kaitaraiwa waka ki te hoko penehini, kapuni, hinu ranei mo a ratau waka me te hoko taonga tapiri, me nga kai.

I was just going to say that.

■ Service station attendants may do some or all of the following

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's all well and good, but you can save it, and go straight to the money shot. That's right. You get to wear a bow tie.

■ "I think anybody can do this job; you just need to use common sense and have a basic knowledge of a car so you know where the fuel and oil go, and how to pump up the tyres." - Doug Thrush, Service Station Attendant

That, sir, is a slap in the face to all the hard working men and women in the service station industry. I spit on you, Mr. Thrush. I spit on your children. I spit on your pets. You are worse than Hitler. Also, you spell "tires" funny.

■ There are no specific educational requirements for service station attendants

You just don't know when to stop, do you? Keep twisting that knife, you cruel, heartless monster.

■ Service station attendants usually earn between $8 and $12 per hour.

A service station attendant reported making over $100,000? And you believed them? And put their data in your little Excel chart? You sir, are worse than Joan Cusack.

■ The outlook for service station attendants looks average

I would have said "depressing," but to each his own.

■ It's an easy job to get

Penny Jones, you just made my list.

■ I also get the pies out of the chiller

That sounds like something a cell phone hawking Nazi would say.

The face of evil, Doug Thrush.

J & B Market, Inc.

2005-09-18T23:56:00.000-05:00

I hope you like fish.

These lasers are burning my eyes.

■ J & B Market, Inc. is located on highway 441 at traffic light #10 in Pigeon Forge, TN.

If you hit traffic light #11, you've gone too far.

■ If you are brilliant enough to realize that your car runs better on Chevron gas, you'll want to stop by for a visit when vacationing in the Smokies.

Brilliant.

■ Of course, we DO have a few who prefer our hickory smoked BBQ sandwich or our signature sandwich, the BIG NASTY!

I made a promise to myself that after the last time, I would never eat something called the BIG NASTY ever again.

■ We have 7 campgrounds who are within walking distance to us

Those campgrounds are really swell fellows once you get to know them.

■ You'd be surprised how many OTHERS are just like you...lost in the Smokies. We can help. Come on in.

If I'm lost in the Smokies, I doubt I'll be able TO find traffic light #10.

■ Where's Dolly Parton drive? answer: Wherever she wants to! ha ha...oh, you mean Dolly Parton Parkway? It is in Sevierville. You are in Pigeon Forge. GO to traffic light #8, take a right, follow the road until you come to the third traffic light, and THAT is Dolly Parton Parkway.

Dude, I can't even find traffic light #10, let alone traffic light #8, or the third traffic light.

There's also an entire second page of funny tourist questions. And by second page, I mean it repeats half the questions and answers on the first page.

■ PIGEON FORGE CAR SHOWS FOR 1999

Timely.

I just want to know, is that Charlie Daniels in the bottom picture too?

Help the Gulf Coast

2005-09-04T21:29:00.000-05:00

Our thoughts are with those impacted by the hurricane.

All-Stop

2005-08-10T21:30:00.000-05:00

I can't decide what's funnier: a really half-assed amateur gas station website, or one that was taken really really seriously. Please turn up your speakers for this one.

I like the "pause" feature on the home page. Just in case I get interrupted during my visit and want to catch the end of what he's saying. Thoughtful.

■ Need lunch, enjoy a sub made the way you like.

Need a question mark, I think you do.

■ Don't forget the fresh baked cookies, rolls, doughnuts, brownies and other items.

Mmmm... other items.

■ Don't forget to join our coffee club.

Why do you think I'm so forgetful? It's insulting.

■ Great for company vehicles, fleet programs, personal or gifts

Great for personal?

It's a first. "This Months Specials" are actually for this month. They are still missing an apostrophe though.

Got your speakers turned up yet? Dig the slap bass and groovy transitions. It's almost like being in a gas station. Incredible.

This one sounds like you're watching The Weather Channel. My favorite transition is the toilet flush at 0:20. I like the random zooming too.

Ooo... funky. I can't believe I just sat through all three of these.

■ If you would like to receive periodic News and Announcements from All-Stop , please subscribe to our Newsletter.

I have to, don't I?

Olde Town Car Care Shell

2005-08-04T21:43:00.000-05:00

Old Town Texaco changed to a Shell station. They also added an "e" to Old. But then didn't feel they had to change their domain name. What's confusing about that?

■ Jeff Hale opened Olde Towne Car Care in 1983.

Oh, they also added an "e" to Town. Sometimes.

■ Tires and Computer Wheel Alignment

I need my tires aligned, but my computer wheels are fine, thanks.

■ Jeff is unusual in that he is an on-site owner and operator.

I stopped reading when I got to "unusual," and nodded.

■ He is also accomplished mechanic

1. but not an accomplished writer.
2. Yeah Jeff, the "a" in "accomplished" counts as the article "a" even though it should be "an." That's grammatically correct.

■ and "turned a wrench" himself for the first five years.

His wrist must be tired.

■ He lives in Alexandria, and started school at Groveton Elementary, which is today called West Potomac.

I always thought it was customary to include where you went to college on your resume, but when all you got through was elementary school, what choice do you have? Although, this sentence is so cleverly worded, we can't be sure Jeff actually completed elementary school.

■ As the saying goes, you "can eat off of the floors" in the shop, they are kept so clean.

This practice has stunted the growth of the staff.

■ Cliff, better known as Doc, has been the head technician for ten years, and also lives in Alexandria.

You know Jeff is the only one who calls Cliff "Doc," and you know Cliff hates it.

■ Jeff has two teenaged sons, Steve and Kenny. They work at the station during the summer, and Steve is interested in an automotive career.

The less said about Kenny, the better.

Seaside Stop N Go

2005-07-22T22:13:00.000-05:00

We couldn't figure out how to create our own graphics, so instead we took pictures of the signs outside our gas station and cropped them. We bet 14% of our visitors don't even notice!

■ Keli's Hawaiian Bento!

I buy all my Hawaiian Japanese single-portion takeout meals from gas stations.

■ Seaside Stop N Go is home of Kelis Teriyaki Sauce.

What are the odds that the same gas station would sell Keli's Bento, and Kelis Teriyaki Sauce? I mean, they are both similar products created by companies with very similar names, but they are clearly two different companies because one has an apostrophe, and one doesn't. The odds have to be a bajillion to one.

■ We offer gas, groceries, Shell gas, fresh deli sandwiches
good hot snacks and Java Coffee!

Since they say the hot snacks are good, that tells me the other items for sale are bad. But nothing beats a nice hot Twinkie.

Come dine in our gas station on plastic furniture. Vomit.

Jack's Liquor & Mini- Mart

2005-05-16T21:25:00.000-05:00

■ Your Host: Jack Adams

Makes it sound like a television talk show.

■ Refreshments of all kinds. Liquor, beer, wine, tobacco products, non-alcoholic beer & coolers. Soft drinks too!

Sentence fragments.

■ Want off the road to play indoors awhile?

Want off? I tried to diagram that sentence, but my head exploded.

■ grab a tan in our convenient booth

Show of hands... who uses a tanning booth in a liquor store/mini-mart/gas station? You can be the first on your block to be on liquorstoretanningboothnudes.com.

■ A Chevron Hallmark Facility

It wouldn't be a Hallmark Facility without the tanning booth.

■ Find out MORE about Jack's Liquor & Mini- Mart

I just wish I had some pictures. The ones in my head are scaring me. The real thing couldn't be as bad... could it?

Weeks Auto Service Center

2005-05-16T21:19:00.000-05:00

The perfect gas station website. I just don't get the diskettes.

Cease and Desist

2005-04-18T20:40:00.000-05:00

I have received several cease and desist letters from gas station owners demanding I stop making fun of their websites. The owners are threatening to sue me for all the money I'm making from the online store to recoup the money they have lost in reduced sales due to my comments about their websites.

Until my team of lawyers can settle this, I'll need to go on hiatus.

Thank you to my loyal readers for your continued support.

GSW

Thomas Exxon

2005-04-07T21:18:00.000-05:00

I'm digging the sax solo about halfway through the MIDI.

I can almost tell where this gas station is by using this map.

There is only one word for this: beautiful.

■ We employ ASE certified technicions, use computerized tools, use computerized diagnostics and CD-ROM based service manuals.

We don't use spell checkers.

■ Watch This Space For Promotional Items And Special Happenings

Watch it... watch it...

■ Just bring us this coupon, We've got a GREENBACK for you.
This coupon is worth $1.00 on your next fill-up of Exxon Gasoline. (8 gallons or more) (cash or credit) Offer Expires on 12/31/2001

Darn, I just missed this.

In case this site wasn't bad enough, check out the parent site.

■ It is our pleasure to serve you.

...to our pet rattlesnake?

Gulfoil Historical Society

2005-03-26T21:43:00.000-06:00

■ "The Gulfoil Historical Society has been using the acronym "GOHS" since it's inception in 1999. Recently, the "Government Office of Homeland Security" has been using the same acronym. The Gulfoil Historical Society is not associated in any way with the Government Office of Homeland Security, and acts in no way as an agency thereof.

No one, ever, under any circumstances, ever, in a million years, ever, would confuse this site with a government agency. I mean, little Gulf logos follow your mouse pointer around the screen.

Who knew ancient Roman statues were such big fans of Gulf oil?

■ The GOHS publishes a quarterly newsletter, "The GULFPRIDE". It contains lots of GULF stuff, articles of interest, historical information, reference material, and some fun humorous items as well.

How in the world can you have enough material for a quarterly newsletter? Someone please email me a scan of this thing. I bet it's hilarlious.

■ At the 5th Annual Meeting, in Oil City, PA., on July 12, 2003 the membership present agreed to a motion which affects Wives, Children, and significant others, of GOHS members. The motion was to offer them full membership in GOHS at half price, $12.50 / yr. Full membership includes voting rights, committee positions, elected positions, and of course the right to work hard on any job that needs done. Each member of your family can join at full status provided you reside at the same address, and will share the same mailings.

Voting rights?

So he suffocated you in a plastic bag?!

Don's lovely wife.

■ Art Gray sporting a pair of very rare NO-NOX cardboard glasses...

I don't know what the guy on the right is laughing at. He's at the 4th Annual Meeting of the Gulfoil Historical Society.

The guy on the left here thought he was at a meeting of the Gulf Mustache Historical Society.

And finally, the guy in the middle here didn't get the memo not to wear his uniform to the meeting. His bow tie is cute though.

Thanks to JM for the submission!

Gas Signs

2005-03-14T22:38:00.000-06:00

Bill Burmaster, let me introduce you to John Cirillo. Like our good friend Bill, John's "hobby" involves pictures of gas station signs.

■ I began this project in 1996 by scanning some images of my small collection of roadmaps, and photographing some of the gas stations I saw during my travels.

I like how this is a "project." I can't believe he hasn't lost interest in this project for 9 years.

■ We are presenting them here for history's sake, lest they be forgotten in the world of ever-changing gasoline brands.

Yeah, lest they. That would be a shame.

Poor Avalon was in a concentration camp.

Fuelman kicks your fanny.

Hey, look! It's pictures of a gas station! ...I don't get it. He has no point. It's just pictures of gas stations with a little text saying things like "These three shots are of the first Admiral station to appear in the Lafayette, Indiana area." Does anyone care about this? I mean besides David Backlin?

Say hi to Luigi for me.

■ There are no more Skat stations remaining today.

Probably because "scat" means "poop."

Bill Burmaster may also have pictures of highway signs, but John Cirillo has pictures of his Dodge Dart and John's Essential Packing List featuring "metal mirror (good for shaving, and for signalling small aircraft when lost)."

Thanks again to Emma for submitting another winner!

Bob's Garage

2005-03-12T00:25:00.000-06:00

WARNING: If you suffer from seizures, DO NOT visit this site. You have been warned.

■ Earths #1 Supplier of Antique Gas Pumps and Soda Machines!

I wonder who the #1 Supplier of Antique Gas Pumps and Soda Machines is on Earth. If I'm ever on Earths, I'm definitely checking out Bob's Garage.

■ Nowhere else in the Galaxy can you find this kind of quality or selection of Oil, Gas and Soda Vintage Antiques and accessories!

Is it #1 on Earths or in the Galaxy? There's a big difference. I'm not even sure if Earths is in a Galaxy.

Let's go to the hop. But watch out for that car.

■ Every product from Bob's Garage is built by hand using old world craftsmanship and materials made in the USA. Your Bob's Garage vintage antique or collectible is a one-of-kind piece of Americana that will be the center of attention and appreciate in value year after year.

Let me see if I can summarize: "We sell old world USA Americana."

Here's a bunch of stuff that used to be for sale. Useful.

Nothing says "Professional" like this guy.

Someone please donate $599. I need a lubester.

■ Working crank handle with original type hardwood knob and casters.

I love it when you talk dirty, Bob.

■ 1935 Wayne 60 Electric Calculating Pump restored to Mobilgas Special. The finest example of this classic collector pump you'll ever see inside and out. No expense spared. New hose, base, ad glass, sight glass, crank, porcelain, stainless trim, etc.

I normally wouldn't spend $3750 on a gas pump, but it does have a new hose...

■ Occasionally, a vintage or made to order piece may have a minor imperfection as these products are made by human hands and not by God.

Wait a minute, I'm confused. Bob is God.

Thanks for the submission, Emma!

MacBeth's Store

2005-03-09T19:25:00.000-06:00

■ MacBeth's Store has been a recognizable landmark in Cook Forest State Park for many, many years.

Aren't most landmarks recognizable? But then again, most landmarks aren't gas stations.

■ Open daily early in the morning and late into the evening, our friendly staff are here to give you directions, help you get your fire started, gear you up with supplies for the day, or just offer you a comfortable bench to relax and watch passerbys.

Their staff is open daily. And it's "passersby."

■ And more importantly, we're just about the only place to get these things in the park, without leaving the park!

I hate those stores that sell those things in the park, but I have to leave the park to get to the store that is in the park.

■ MacBeth's Store is more than a store though.

Then that's not a very good name, is it?

John doing his world famous mimed pogostick routine.

And the piece de resistance:
■ "I want to work in your store when I'm 12 years old. Please keep me an opening. Thank you very much."

Martina Hughes
p.s. You ROCK!!!

Yes, I think Gas Station Websites has a bright future with people like Martina ready to take over.

Fortuna Chevron

2005-03-05T22:23:00.000-06:00

It doesn't look like there's much to this site, but you have to look a little deeper.

■ On Main Street in downtown Fortuna

For some reason, Mapquest can't map this address.

■ We offer for sale the highest quality petroleum products to our customers.

Picture this...

The web "designer" proposes this copy:

We offer the highest quality gasoline.

A group of highly paid marketing people huddle for a while...

"You know, our website visitors may not realize who the gasoline is offered to."

We offer the highest quality gasoline to our customers.

"There. That's better. But you know, we offer more than just gasoline. We offer diesel and oil too."

We offer the highest quality petroleum products to our customers.

"Yes. Good. Hmm... Oh crap. Our website visitor might think we're just giving this stuff away!"

We offer for sale the highest quality petroleum products to our customers.

■ We have complete fuel availability, including diesel #2 for autos We also carry high quality automotive oils, all at competitive prices.

Marketing people: "Drop the period after autos."

■ On Main Street in downtown Fortuna

Repeating a vague address doesn't make it any less vague. It's like shouting in a foreign language.

■ - Lottery tickets
  - Groceries
  - Ice
  - Beer
  - Soda
  - Snacks and Candy
  - Ice Cream
  - Clean and friendly atmosphere
  - High quality employees
  - Friendly personnel
  - Lots of parking

Why are employees high quality while the personnel is friendly? Is that how they determine whether you are an employee or a personnel? During the job interview, if you smile, they make you personnel. If you can count, you're an employee. If you don't do either, they put you in marketing.

Billy's Service Station

2005-03-03T21:13:00.000-06:00

There's a bit of a glitch in the Australian flag, but there's nothing broken with that sweet hot rod.

Billy's Service Station is so massive, it can only be captured with a fisheye lens.

■ MOVING FORWARD, INTO THE PAST

You just blew my mind.

■ I first got the idea to build a full size authentic replica of Billy's on my own property, when visiting America about 6 years ago, and started collecting old signs, gas pumps, coke fridges etc for restoration.

Yes, that's right folks. This is not the original Billy's Service Station. This is a full size replica build in Australia.

■ Construction began in Febuary 1999, and was completed to its present state by September. The dimentions of the building are 20 meters long by 9 meters wide. The collection of Mobilia began 6 years.

And the dementia of the webmaster is also 20 meters long by 9 meters wide.

■ PHOTO'S

Classic. I should use that apostrophe in my tagline.

The name of the guy that built this gas station is Greg. So does that make it Greg's Billy's Gas Station?

■ My future ideas and intentions are to build onto Billy's, an authentic "American Diner", this will probably start within the next 12 months.

I don't see any pictures of Billy's Diner. Do you think he lost interest?

■ During the construction, Peter travelled to Brisbane to see how progress was going, and to imput further ideas which we took on board and are extremely grateful for.

I heard Peter's imput made quite an inpression on Greg.

Some gems from the Guestbook:

■ great stuff Greg,got your website out of Cruzin Mag.would love to see more pics of your gas pumps.keep collecting,cheers mick

This website was featured in a magazine?! I bet mick would like to see more pics of Greg's gas pumps.

■ How do I get my wife to agree to this?

I think you're in the wrong guestbook.

■ Name: travis mckee
E-Mail: fetish_friend81@hotmail.com
Comments: hey what's up i thought i would be nice and give you a TTTTTIIIIIMMMMMMMMMMYYYY! right now your about ten metres away in the other room he
bbbyyyyeeee

I wish I were 10 metres away from an 81 year old fetish friend right now.

Daniel Junction Store

2005-03-02T19:40:00.000-06:00

■ Fuel for whatever your needs or vehical requires

This sentence makes me say "Rrraaaaarrrrrr!"

By "sporting goods," they mean Doritos.

■ Daily – weekly - & monthly rates available.

That's - pretty - & cool.

I don't know how they get these two to pose for the picture.

In case you thought the dashes and ampersand were a typo:
■ We also offer grocery items – BEER – SODA - & HOME BAKED GOODS.

Lake Cumberland Country Store

2005-02-27T08:53:00.000-06:00

■ The Store is in the CENTRAL TIME ZONE. 1 Hour behind Louisville / Same Time as Nashville.

That's handy to know.

■ Search The Internet

Screw Google, I'm using Kaftos!

■ Groceries Available at Lake Cumberland Country Store Milk / Bread / Soft Drinks / Sandwich Meats / Bacon / Eggs / Juice / Snacks / and much more

Again with the bacon...

■ Breakfast starts at 5 AM everyday and if you are a little early it is OK
we are normally in by 4:30 AM If the light is on come on in.

My first thought was that the period and comma keys must not be working on their keyboard, but then I saw the period at the end of the "sentence." I've now begun work on a new hypothesis.

■ The Store is in the CENTRAL TIME ZONE. 1 Hour behind Louisville / Same Time as Nashville

Okay, you already told me that, but I guess that's pretty important to know so I can get there in time to buy bacon.

■ New Survey Just IN! now 9 out of 10 Brown Trout Prefer our Baits!!!!!!!!!! 7 out of 10 Stripers Now Prefer our Bait See the Picture >>>>>>>>>>>>>

I am in awe of their fish surveying skills.

■ A full line of fishing tackle and supplies including: Scroll down below Picture

Was anyone able to look past the Picture at the full line of fishing tackle and supplies? I certainly couldn't. I was captivated by the Picture.

■ The Store is in the CENTRAL TIME ZONE. 1 Hour behind Louisville / Same Time as Nashville

Okay, I get it.

■ 4.5 pound Walleye

Which one's the walleye?

■ The Store is in the CENTRAL TIME ZONE
1 Hour behind Louisville Same Time as Nashville

Now you're just pissing me off.

Shell

2005-02-24T21:17:00.000-06:00

Jeroen van der Veer has too many names. His responsibilities include Legal and Mexico.

■ He has skated two of the Netherlands' 'eleven-cities' tours, in 1986 and 1997.

Why the long lay off in between, Jeroen van der Veer?

Malcolm Brinded after eating too much salsa.

Rob Routs melted cheese into his trousers.

■ He speaks English, Dutch, French, German and, to a lesser degree, Swedish and Italian.

Slacker.

The guy from Volcano Village must have named the Bonga Deepwater Project.

Exploring the future by karate-chopping a book.

Hey look, Shell is talking about their strategy, and they use a chess piece graphic. I would have never thought of that. I mean, when I think of strategy, I think of chess. That is brilliant.

This guy looks like he was run over by a car powered by Shell gasoline.

■ About You

Get out of my head!

Volcano Village

2005-02-22T22:41:00.000-06:00

This site is so chock full of crapular goodness that I know I will only cover a small little sliver of it. But what a sliver!

■ VolcanoVillage.Com's famous Men in Mu'u Mu'us

I have no idea.

How high is this guy?

More talking goodness can be found here, along with just about everything else known to man. I like his bandana. By the way, the flash guy's eyes follow your cursor after he's done yapping.

■ Meet Uncle Daryl. Would you buy a paper from this guy?
Give Uncle Daryl a spin. Just hold cursor on him and move left or right

Be sure to give him a spin after he's done being loaded.

Uncle Daryl also likes to hula.

■ Open from 6:30 am to 7:30 pm 7 days (Opens around 7:00 am or 7:15 on Ola's days)Snacks, coffee, beer, gas, volcano information

This November I am going to give thanks that this place sells gas. Otherwise I would have never had the privilege to bask in its glory.

■ Don't just take a dirt nap. Do it in style, Hawaiian style! in a hand crafted Koa wood coffin.

That is certainly interesting advertising.

Before you die, make sure you get your very own Volcano Fantasy Photo like this one.

Fireworks by the gas station. What could happen?

As I said, I bring you just a slice of this site. Please explore on your own and share your findings with everyone in the comments.

Ossipee Store

2005-02-21T22:24:00.000-06:00

The yellow car crashes into "We Deliver" five times before it gives up. Go ahead. Count.

■ Our restaurant now has in-house seating and we are now serving breakfast!

In-house seating?! Finally! I was getting sick of sitting outside in Minnesota in January trying to eat my pancakes.

You are now serving breakfast? Now? At 10:27 PM? You guys are crazy.

Look at their beautiful and luxurious restaurant. Reminds me of my basement.

They also sell bait, or whatever this is.

■ Keep watching we will soon have an updated fishing report. Have a fishing story to tell? Looking for fishing spots. Log on to our forum and check out what other people are saying about the fishing hot spots.

It's called punctuation. It's not really optional.

Come on. You know that when you think of food, you think of Town House crackers.

■ We are serving homemade pizza, hamburgers, french fries & appetizers.

Right now? Along with the breakfast? Man, I'm getting full.

■ Our store features a full line of grocery and convenience items including milk, pop, juices, snacks, candy, chips, cheeses, bacon and more.

Bacon?

■ Stop in for your cold beverages!

Mmm.. ice cold coffee.

■ We serve coffee, hot chocolate and cappacino. We also have a variety of ice cold beverages: jucies, pop, beer.

I'll take a cappacino and two jucies.

They could only afford one bullet point for this page.

Miley

2005-02-18T21:27:00.000-06:00

Wow, this place has everything, except a decent website.

■ Welcome to the home page of the Miley family of businesses.

I can't tell you how excited I get by a family of businesses and a family of websites. It just makes me all warm and fuzzy.

They certainly went all out on the page for their Amoco station.

■ "In Savings, In Service, In 100% Satisfaction you're Miles ahead with Miley".

I would have thought they could have worked a "smiley" in there somewhere.

■ When Red Miley went looking for a car wash system for his Amoco Service Station he was determined to find the best wash for his customers.

Red Miley is the man. Now if he could only find a picture of his car wash to scan that doesn't have a crease right down the middle.

■ Kelly Auto Air: More than Just Air!!

Then why not call it something else? That name is really misleading. How about "Kelly Auto More Than Air"? Or maybe "A Bunch Of Crap You Don't Need, Kelly"?

I'm going to ask them to put a big engine in my cartoon car like this one.

FYI, Red Miley employs an ax-wielding clown named Buffo.

Just in case you wanted to see a whole lot of pictures of cars, have at it.

This thing just creeps me out.

Loren's Auto Repair

2005-02-17T22:40:00.000-06:00

When they say "Meet Our Staff of Professionals," they mean meet. This is the most thorough "Meet the Staff" page I've ever seen.

Like for Loren himself:

■ Loren is the founder of Loren’s Auto Repair Inc. He grew up on a farm in Willow Creek, MT where he learned to make and repair anything on the farm. After high school he attended one year of college in Agriculture Mechanics then trained as a jet engine mechanic in the Air Force. Later he spent a year studying at Montana Auto College in Great Falls, MT. Most of his experience has been in GM dealerships until he started his own shop in 1985. Loren has 30 years experience and is ASE Master and L1 advanced performance certified. He is also a member of iATN (International Automotive Technicians’ Network), an internet technicians forum. He is married to Denise his business partner and they have 2 grown children. Loren enjoys boating, exploring, bicycling and motorcycle riding. Loren is very involved with many Christian men’s ministries including Bible Study Fellowship and Prison Impact Ministries. Loren and Denise are also members of the Kalispell Chamber of Commerce.

I wonder what kind of impact Loren has in the prison. I also wish I knew what he did on March 19th, 1975.

■ After working as a motorcycle policeman for the Los Angeles Police Department for 27½ years...

Had to throw that half in there, didn't you?

■ He has been married to his wife Yvonne for 20 Years and has 4 boys, Justin the oldest is married to his wife Laura who gave birth to their first child Everett Michael in September 2003. Marc is now a proud grandparent. Brandon is the next oldest son and is going to attend the Art institute of Portland in July 2004. Marc, Yvonne and their two younger sons, Nathan and Damon like to go camping and fishing. Marc & Yvonne have horses and like to trail ride.

Marc, Yvonne and Justin don't speak to Brandon anymore since he's going to "art" school. Damon still talks to him since he's too young to know better. The less said about Nathan, the better.

■ This year he is excited about enjoying Tech inspecting for the Legends series at the local race track, a first time opportunity.

What?

■ Mckeag grew up in the Flathead Valley. No kids yet but a Boxer puppy named Gauge.

It figures a guy named Mckeag would spell it "Gauge."

■ Aaron married his wife, Angie in December of 2001. They have two children together, Mathew age 10 and Johnny age 9.

Either Aaron built a time machine, or he had himself some premaritals with Angie.

■ Pita passed away on June 3, 2002.

This page is so complete, they have a picture and bio for a dead dog.

■ Baxter is our "greeter in training". He has a lot of potential and he enjoys saying hi to everyone. With Pita's guidance this past year he will now take over for her.

And the dead dog's replacement. Creepy.

■ When your car is in need of repair, don't despair, take it to Loren's Auto Repair located in Ashley Square

Dude, you are a poet, and you don't even know it.

Sean's LEGO Shell Gas Station

2005-02-16T19:26:00.000-06:00

Amazingly, there are other LEGO gas stations on the web. As you already know, our good friend Chris Fortier already has one. Sean here has much more talent, but his gas station isn't very exciting. The 3D rendering of it is very unnecessary.

This city puts the Antoine Level to shame.

Ultimately, Sean's site is not very satisfying. When I think of grown men that build things out of LEGOs, I think dementia. Sean seems way too professional and balanced for his chosen vocation.

There are others though...
- Thomas Main
- ESSO Gas Station
- A review of a LEGO gas station set.
- KRW's insanity.
- Peter's Gas Station

Stay tuned for LEGO Gas Station Websites!

Broadway Service Center

2005-02-15T19:03:00.000-06:00

Dale Earnhardt watches over our mechanics as they stand in order by height.

■ So with this and our three technicians, two which are master technicians...

The third of which is an escapee from a mental asylum. Guess which is which!

If this is your license plate, you may have won free gasoline! Or the right to sue us!

In case you were wondering, yes, people really do win free gas at the Broadway Service Center.

This is the first time I've seen radiobuttons, checkboxes and button as art. It's quite breathtaking.

Wow, the tiny blurry guy with most of his head cut off is talking to me! I can tell by the hand-drawn speech bubble!

Chuck's Auto Service

2005-02-14T20:45:00.000-06:00

The weird thing is that I have this exact image tattooed on my bottom.

■ In the event of an emergency, we provide roadside service that meets, and in all cases, exceeds auto industry standards.

If it really exceeds in all cases, can't you just say exceeds? Why not say you provide services that doesn't meet, sort of meets, meets, kind of exceeds and exceeds?

■ Through the use of the latest technology, we follow each vehicle closely from initial call to its final destination.

That's just creepy.

■ Our equipment is the envy of the industry.

That's what she said.

■ Our modern headquarters located in Chicopee, Ma, USA

I can't tell if that building is really small or really big. It's like an optical illusion.

■ Whether you're stranded in a New England hail storm or a "Nor'easter", you can depend on Chuck's Auto Service to handle even the most minute details, we cover everything, including a prompt itemized appraisal, 24 hour towing, and the highest quality repair services in the Auto Body & Towing business.

Oh my god, that was one sentence, it just kept going, and he thought he could get away with it by using commas, but he couldn't.

The Horny Toad C-Store/Gas Dock

2005-02-13T17:16:00.000-06:00

Three words: girls in bikinis.

Screw Flash, I'll do the intro as an animated gif and an mp3 file.

Also on the premises is Peckers Gourmet Grill and Bar.

Our History as a jpeg.

After gassing up, go parasailing behind an F-16 Tomcat.

This has to be the best feedback I've ever seen on a GSW:
■ My experience as someone living nearby is that Toad Cove (please, that's not the name of it) is a disaster to our neighborhood. Thanks to your establishment we have had people puking and pissing in our yard and driveway. People throwing beer on my husband because they tore down one of our no parking signs, fighting in our yard at 2 am after leaving your place, throwing their frigging "toad" cups in our yard and lots of other wholesome "family" fun.

I wonder if the gas fumes make it to the nightclub.

Simonson Station Stores

2005-02-11T12:13:00.000-06:00

Sorry for not posting new sites the last few days. I was eating tacos in California. Really.

We have women in dresses squeegee your windows! Look, we really do!

Just try to read our website! It's more important for you to see our logo 40 times in the background than to read our text!

■ Clean Indoor Restrooms

No dirty outhouses? Count me out.

■ Roadhouse Cafe

Now featuring Patrick Swayze as the bouncer! What else does he have to do these days?

We will cover your car in silly string!

■ Biilards and Jukebox

Oops.

■ Full 2-29 Cafe Menu

Is that like a 5-5-5 deal? Or is it some reference to leap year?

■ Served With Waitress Service

Sexists.

■ Great Selection of On/Off Sale Beer and Liquor

Give me some of that off sale beer and liquor. Yum.

Our first response

2005-02-04T20:59:00.000-06:00

It took 31 postings, but we finally heard from our first gas station website webmaster.

The webmaster from Shady Cove 76 Taco Bell Express dropped in with a comment and a couple of shouts referencing California and tacos.

They also took down the Shady Cove 76 website in response, and made this lovely graphic.

I'm truly flattered. I hope I can score some free tacos the next time I visit Shady Cove.

Primo's

2005-02-03T19:58:00.000-06:00

Another one page wonder.

■ The aromas of Broasted Chicken, Pizza and a vast selection of hot and cold deli sandwiches drift throughout the store and await your tastebud's pleasure.

I always thought my nose was pleasured by aromas.

■ Everyone forgets to pack something and Primo's has thought ahead for those that do.

If everyone forgets, then there isn't a separate group of people made up of "those that do." It's everyone. And I resent being called forgetful.

■ And there's none of that last chance"how bad do you want it" mentality here.

What a scam. I have to pay extra for that at my local dominatrix's too.

■ Don't forget your munchies and hand packed ice cream for later.

I already asked you once to stop insinuating that I'm forgetful. Besides, I prefer my ice cream to be packed with some kind of utensil, not someone's dirty greasy hand. Yuck.

■ Gas, propane, Lotto, wine & spirts, and hot coffee with the latest fishing information. Everything you need in one convenient location.

No spirts for me, thank you. Besides, that's not everything I need. I can think of a few others...

- Saw Blade Art
- A trucker's daughter
- Sewer dump
- A shower room with an exposed toilet
- Aboriginal Enterprises
- Cream Corn Delite and Sara Bell Louise
- An exciting career at Blimpie's
- Photos of signs on I55
- An Awesome Technician who has played Professional Volleyball
- BabaGanouge and Shish Kafta
- Downtown Tower
- Beard growing contests
- Diverse looney tunes popouts
- Kok's Kar Klinic
- Homemade Nickelodeon logos
- Keys to the Cavalier
- Itchy Loundagin
- Athena
- Ray Rust
- Bill Butt's Mini convertible
- Unlimited clearance
- Dirty Larry's shirt
- Kliffi
- 5/5/5 deals

The "minds" behind Primo's website have this to say:
■ We like to think of ourselves as "a citadel of copious conceptualists concerned with composing a collage of classy custom creations, complementing our customer's characteristics".

They need one more word at the end of that sentence:

Crappily.

Mike's BP Tire Center

2005-02-02T23:31:00.000-06:00

How can you fit so much hilarlity into one single web page? Amazing.

■ Now - Mike's BP Tire Center

Now. Later? Tuesday?

■ Keep It in the family!

Whoah. What does this have to do with tires?

■ Being local residents just like you who've built businesses here in the Greensboro area, we understand how important it is to you that bouth your vehicle and your dollar go as far as they can.

I think bouth of these sentences need to be broken up.

■ Quality selection you can count on to have the tier that you need

Let me get this one straight so there's no confusion. You have a bullet point touting your quality. In this bullet point, you mention the product that is the foundation of your business and your livelihood. And you misspell it.

■ Ok, they are on Market, but you have to look behind the Amoco Gas Station as shown below

Ok, thanks for telling me that. Ok, now I know where to look for this establishment, Ok.

■ Few Automotive Service Centers can do NC Inspections for BMW's Some may try, but they will damage your BMW.

Some may get sued too.

■ Mike's Service Center can do all types of vehicles and yes even your Beamer and leave you happy and just Beaming!

Clever. You see what he did there? He took the nickname of BMW (Beamer) and turned it into a verb! He also has punctuatiaphobia.

■ Try them today and be sure to tell them that The Cajun Cowboy sent you!

Good Lord, do you think I want to get my ass kicked? I will do no such thing. (Nice MIDI though).

Fleetwood Car Care

2005-02-01T23:52:00.000-06:00

Nothing says you care about your customers more than a hideous website on Angelfire.

■ THE BEST WAY TO GET THERE

If these are directions, they fail miserably. If this is supposed to be a slogan, it fails miserably.

■ WE ARE 24 HOURS OPEN EXXON GASOLINE FILLING STATION

Of proud you am I.

■ 87 OCTANE EXXON REGULAR - STILL VERY POWERFULL

Hey, blue text on a blue background looks awesome! Making a backhanded compliment about your top selling gasoline is also awesome. As is misspelling "powerful."

■ For All Your Comments & Complaints

They cut to the chase and provide you a link to send in your complaints. Apparently no one complained about blue text on a blue background. Or maybe they couldn't see the link because it was blue text on a blue background. I think I just blew my own mind.

■ Fleetwood Car Care is 24 hours open FULL SERVICE EXXON gasoline filing station.

Good, I need to do my taxes soon.

I don't know what awards this is referring to. Maybe it's just a general "awards," because if anyone has an award, they would surely give it to this website.

■ QUALITY IS NOT EXPENSIVE

And neither is an Angelfire website put together over lunch.

Shady Cove 76 Taco Bell Express

2005-01-31T22:37:00.000-06:00

Update! This site has been removed. You now get redirected to some great webcam images of traffic.

They also closed the image directory and put a really hilarlious image in its place.

It's all in good fun... I hope.

Another great mixture of gasoline and food awaits you in Shady Cove, Oregon.

■ Fill up "both" tanks when you visit us!

Or more accurately, "Fill up 'both' tanks with gas when you visit us!"

■ Saw Blade Art! The Shady Cove Mini Mart features paintings on saws.

Beautiful and deadly.

■ This is a 25" diameter saw with acrylic painting of Oregon's Mt.Hood, by Northwest artist David Squyres. The hole has been patched in the center. .

Whew. I hate having holes in my saws that have painting of mountains on them.

■ Hey, Shady Cove... doesn't Taco Bell sound good right now?

Not really.

■ The Shady Cove Taco Bell Express features both drive- through and walk-in ordering.

How about unicycle-through? Pogostick-in?

Hey, look! There's an open image directory.

Someone tore a hole in my web browser, and I can see a guy with a fish through it!

That's no moon, it's a space station.

SMiCkster's Truck Stop

2005-01-30T23:39:00.000-06:00

This isn't an actual truck stop, but I don't know what it really is either.

■ Hello, and welcome to my truck stop. The only truck stop in the world that won't leave a bad taste in your mouth...trust me I know, I'm a trucker's daughter!

I'm not going to touch that one. Or her.

■ Here you will find other truckers, useful stuff and all out fun! I've created this site for all the great truckers out there to be helpful and useful to you all! If you are not a trucker feel free to stay anyway! This Site is always changing so visit often. Also this site has sound be sure and turn it up!

Oh yes, bad MIDI.

Pardon me while I have an epileptic seizure.

Surely this must be the ugliest site on the web...

Except that is has an entire page devoted to the many awards it has received for being so terrific. The awards include the coveted "Kerrmite's Kewl Website Award."

SMiCkster also included several handsome banners to use to link to her site. My personal favorite uses the ever-popular dual squashed maps of the United States for its background.

This smiley face looks constipated.

■ I'm happily married with one child. I'm a trucker's Daughter and I have a lot of pride in what my father does. So I felt that there should be a site that is contributed to the trucker!

Makes sense.

■ I enjoy the Web and It's the information highway so why not have a site for the real highway men and women.

Now that is just plain old clever.

■ The Website you are currently visiting, belongs to an I.A.W.M.D. "Member in Good Standing"

For those of you who may not know, the I.A.W.M.D. is the International Association of Webmasters & Designers. Its members share one unique trait: they are all blind.

Bob's Auto Spa

2005-01-29T21:38:00.000-06:00

I was torn between titling this one "Bob's Auto Spa" or "Southern Skye the home of Bob's Auto Spa." I have no idea what Southern Skye is. There should be a website explaining it somewhere.

Here is a nice picture of the desert with the gas station.. I mean the Auto Spa in the background.

■ All facilities offer clean, large, and well lighted restrooms. Office located N32.15.599 W110.43.551 Alt2,700ft.

I can finally put my handheld GPS unit to good use.

■ Inside the store is the Arby's restaurant with substantial setting, plus a drive-up window for customers who don't want to get out of there car.

Those darn lazy customers. Why don't they want to get out of there car? They don't want to walk from their to hair?

■ For the RV and trailer motoring public Cortaro Pueblo Chevron offers a sewer dump plus water and propane.

I thought that was a wine rack, not a sewer dump. Maybe they mean you dump your sewage right on the floor?

■ Midvale Park Chevron is the first in Arizona to generate it's electrical requirements using a co-generation system. The co-gen system uses Southwest Gas (natual gas) as fuel to produce electric.

I have to get some of that natual gas to produce my own electric.

By the way, I wouldn't really use that as the opening sentence and picture for my gas station website. I'd go with a nice picture of the gas station and a sentence like "Buy gas here."

Fairfax Circle Chevron

2005-01-28T22:48:00.000-06:00

It's snowing! It's snowing on the web! That's amazing!

■ Enter Your Mail-Id to Receive Exciting Offers

My Mail's Id is in a constant struggle with its Superego, so it doesn't have time for Exciting Offers.

Our staff comes in three flavors: Beard, Goatee, and Classic.

Something not quite right about Beard. His beard and hair don't match.

■ Mr. R.L. Varma has been a diplomat through out his career. He has traveled through out the world and has also worked for the Indian Embassy in Washington DC.

He now owns a snowy gas station.

■ Mr. Robert Varma (Son of Mr. R.L. Varma) graduated from Howard University with BSSE (Bachelor of Science in Electrical Engineering) and specialization in communications.

And he has utilized that degree in electrical engineering to wire up our neon Open sign.

Every one of the email links sends an email to the same address. Big Brother is watching.

■ " We Specialize in all phases of Automotive repair "

How do you specialize in all phases?

Quick Hits

2005-01-27T23:48:00.000-06:00

Some sites just don't have enough material for a full post, but still deserve to be honored as Gas Station Websites. We put a bunch of them together and call it Quick Hits.

Garden Grove Shell

■ Follow the links on the left... Please follow more of the links on the left...

There are no links on the left! Stop telling me to use them!

Good lord, I sure hope there is a lock on the room to the Shower Room. I for one would not want to walk in to do some laundry and find someone sitting in the back there.

Dan Usner Shell Auto Care

Some lady keeps talking to me. Someone shut her up.

■ Please update your FAQ/About Us description.

Don't tell me what to do.

South Park Tire & Auto Center

Psst. You might want to work this in somehow.

Instead, we have to look at this.

C&C Shell

This was the best picture we could find of our establishment.

■ Please visit these sites soon...

No.

Bayleaf Tire & Auto Service

Holy crap, that lady is back again.

Mobil Jabiru

■ "Aboriginal Enterprise at Work"

We will break our own arms to provide you world class service at aboriginal prices!

Amoco BP Auto Service Center

"Don't worry Barry, the list will line up when it's rendered in Netscape 2.0."

This makes me dizzy in a good way.

Iowa 80 Truckstop

2005-01-26T22:08:00.000-06:00

■ Visit the World's Largest Truckstop!

Say no more. I'm there.

■ Our second floor was designed just for truckers!

Damn! I was really looking forward to seeing the second floor of the World's Largest Truckstop. Good thing they have an online tour.

I bet your local gas station doesn't have its own ferris wheel.

Or its own book.

Cream Corn Delite and Sara Bell Louise are the Official Dogs of Gas Station Websites. Better luck next time, Francie, Lizzie, and Sassy Sue.

Start planning your roadtrip for this summer to see the brand new Trucking Hall of Fame. You'll find all your favorite truckers enshrined there. Truckers like the monkey from BJ and the Bear.

Send in your resumes, because as their Employment Opportunities page states, Iowa 80 Truckstop is "A Place Where People Want to Work." That pretty much says it all.

■ Whether you are looking for a fun part-time job or an exciting new career, Iowa 80 Group has just what you’re looking for.

You too can start an exciting new career at the Blimpie's in a truckstop.

Greenbelt Auto & Truck Repair, Inc.

2005-01-25T21:23:00.000-06:00

Did we mention we have 20 years of service?! Because we do. Just wanted to make sure you knew that.

■ As near as your neighbor.

I'm pretty sure my neighbor is closer than a gas station in Maryland.

■ Hello again, well looks like we made it through the winter and summer is well on it's way ! GOOD THING TOO, I had enough of the cold!

It's January. I don't think that qualifies as summer.

Something is seriously wrong with this car. It looks like it's trying to blow up a balloon.

■ The Mobil station is as near as your neighbor

Again with the lying. My neighbor is mere feet away. Maryland is at least seven miles away. Probably more, I don't know. I'm not very good at geography. I'm no Chris Fortier.

Most gas stations have pictures of their crew. Not this one. It has pictures of the certifications held by the crew. They're not people, they're paper. It's nice that they include a few nice comments about the experience and training of every member of the staff. Well, almost every member. Joe Aulisio, I'm looking at you.

■ We like to share a bit of the history which we created. Mr. Joe Aulisio & Mr. William Novick, some know him as "Duce" or Bill, were both employees at the MOBIL station back in 1970‘s during our high school years. Not having a clue about business, we worked for Woody and George enjoying our teen years. We often wondered and said, "what would it be like to own this one day??"

"Hey Duce, what say we buy dis place?" I like the switch between third and first person. It's very disorienting.

■ Welcome to our Hot Links page!

Brought to you by Knight Rider.

Golden State Career Videos - Service Station Attendants

2005-01-24T22:44:00.000-06:00

Many of you are probably interested in the exciting world of gas station attendance, but just don't know how to get started. Luckily, the California Career Resource Network provides just this occupation in their wonderful series of Career Videos.

■ The work of a service station attendant varies, depending on the type of services the station provides.

No kidding.

■ In many places, attendants spend most of their time in a booth, activating fuel pumps for self-service customers, collecting money, and providing change.

Most attendants spend their time in other kinds of booths too, but they aren't collecting money.

■ Since many stations also sell sodas, bread, magazines and other items, some parts of the job are identical to that of a convenience store clerk.

Listen to how the narrator enunciates "bread." I have just that word on repeat on my iPod.

■ At more traditional service stations, job responsibilities are more varied.

Not like those new-fangled gas stations that sell bread.

■ Attendants provide more hands-on, full services, such as pumping gas, checking under the hood, and checking tire pressure. In addition, they may sell oil, wiper blades, and other automotive products to customers.

They may also pressure their hands on customers and spread oil with wiper blades "under the hood."

■ By providing prompt, cheerful service, they can encourage people to come back again.

Well, either that, or it's because they run out of gas and need to buy more.

■ They may also help prevent accidents, by noticing whether a customer's tires are low, or if a headlight is out.

Gas station attendant as defender of public safety. They also rescue kittens from trees from time to time.

■ Work schedules tend to be flexible, making this an ideal part-time or after-school job.

Translation: "This job is ideal for aimless drifters. You can come and go as you please. What are they going to do? Fire you? Big deal. Just get a job at a different gas station."

■ So if you like cars, enjoy interacting with people, and don't mind working in all kinds of whether, this is a great entry-level job that could someday lead to the owning or managing of a small gas station, or large, busy, full-service station.

Or if you enjoy being paid to "service" lonely women.

Do you have to not mind working in all kinds of "whether" if you work in one of those booths? Because that's the one I want. Sitting in a booth being paid to collect money, sell bread, and "service" the customers.

Sign me up.

Steve's Grand Stop Marathon

2005-01-23T22:40:00.000-06:00

At first glance, this one appears pretty normal. There home page sports a decent picture of the gas station, some fancy drop down menus, and the ubiquitous American flag/eagle collage at the top.

There is one curious thing on the home page:
■ We have the Best Lebanese and American Food in town. Our Food is Fresh and simply the Best.
Hmm... Lebanese food, and interesting capitalization. Promising.

On closer inspection, it becomes apparent that about half of the items on those fancy menus (including "Contact Us") don't work.

Let's check out those Lebanese dishes. I know when I want some really good BabaGanouge or Shish Kafta I'm heading for the closest gas station.

■ We Are Located In The Beautiful City Of Farmington Michigan on The Corner Of Grand River and Power Road. Farmington Auto Service Farmington Hills Auto Repair Marathon Gas Station We Also Carry Firestone,Goodyear and Cooper Tires

Is that a sentence or the title of a book? This might help.

■ Our Goal is Fix it Right The First Time With Clean ,Fast and Friendly Service

- and to sometimes peer around our computer to stare at you.
- and to not use the word "to."
- and to not quite grasp the technical aspects of using a comma.
- and to capitalize every word except "is," "it," and "and." Yes, that includes capitalizing "The."

What really put this over the top, as is often the case, was the lovingly crafted tribute to the crew.

■ Sam is an Awesome Technician who does whatever it takes to get the job done, besides being a fine Technician Sam has also played Professional Volleyball in International Competitions.

The first question I always ask all my Technicians is if they have played Professional Volleyball.

■ Bob Keeps The Coffee Fresh and is always Happy to help. He is always at the Front Counter with a Smile waiting to Serve You. Stop in and say Hi to this Wonderful guy.

That's all well and good, but has he ever played Professional Volleyball in International Competitions? Because if he hasn't, I'm going to have a hard time calling him a Wonderful guy.

This site truly is a grand stop.

Le Centre

2005-01-22T17:55:00.000-06:00

Continuing our theme of websites that are absolutely bizarre and tangentially related to gas stations, I give you Le Centre. Let me try to describe it. A guy takes pictures of gas stations, grocery stores, restaurants and retail stores, and posts them on the web. I have no idea why he does this. This is the closest he comes to an explanation.
■ Their are many of the same stores across the world. Each with their own unique look. This is a look at the same, but different.

Also,
■ This site was, mostly, designed in 1400x1050.

For more about the fascinating man behind this site, you can visit his main page, which is part of The Bill Burmaster Family of Web Sites.

Other gems from The Bill Burmaster Family of Web Sites include:
- Everything you ever wanted to know about Interstate 64, Indiana
- The Oklahoma State Capital as seen from Interstate 235, Oklahoma City.
- The air board for KFIN-FM.
- Bill Burmaster's Senior Year Picture.
- Stats of Bill Burmaster, featuring: "Spouse: 1 Wife, Melony."

Good thing he specified just one wife, otherwise I might think he was weird.

Shell on the Antoine Level

2005-01-20T22:49:00.000-06:00

Does a gas station made out of LEGO deserve its own website? Why not.

■ Our mechanics are clean-cut, intelligent, friendly, and you can a great discussion on historical events within America and the world with them while they fix your car, truck, Bubba-truck, mini-van, Rolls Royce, Hum-Vee, or any other vehicle that exists.

It's near Downtown Tower.

This is by far the most intricate website I've ever seen for a LEGO city. I'm thankful it included a Shell station, otherwise I never would have found it.

I could devote two weeks to this site and not even scratch the surface. I invite you browse around and link to your favorite parts in the comments.

Enjoy.

Jundt's Service

2005-01-19T22:53:00.000-06:00

Welcome to a historical pictorial of a gas station and a blizzard.

■ The Fortys, The Fiftys, The Sixtys

Jundt's: Where spelling and coherence is optional!

The aliens are landing.

I like the intuitive navigation to the next page. Good thing they told me to "Click on Picture Below," or I would have missed some real gems.

■ HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF THE JUNDT'S. LET US KNOW ON OUR E-MAIL

Awe-inspiring.

■ Beard growing contest- Fred jr.-Emil-Fred sr.

I think Fred Sr. is the clear favorite here.

■ My wife WOW

I wish I knew what was happening out of frame. I bet it's erotic.

Jundt's: Now with Home made tractor goodness.

■ GIRL MAGNET

I'll take your word for it.

■ Wow 1976

Wow? The only thing that made me say "wow" was the fact you spelled 1976 correctly.

And the moment you were waiting for... Blizard of 66

Thinking the Blizard wasn't a strong enough closer, Jundt's went with some animated graphics. First, an attempt at hypnosis.

■ Your getting sleepy

Then, a shocking revelation.

■ Dont you wish all us frogs could do that.

Yes. Mr. Jundt reveals that he is indeed a frog. That explains the background, and why this site is "Powered by MSN TV." It all makes sense now.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to practice for the next beard growing contest.

Note: Some of the direct image links appear broken. Refreshing your browser on the error page seems to fix the problem. Thank you MSN TV.

Shell Station Uithuizen

2005-01-18T21:41:00.000-06:00

I sure hope you speak Dutch. Luckily, bad website design and funny pictures are the international language.

I dig their minimalist banner frame.

Someone forgot to tell Emiel that he was supposed to look right into the camera while leaning on the sign. At least he and Roland go to the same barber.

I would like to purchase several diverse looney tunes popouts. No, I don't need to see a picture of them.

Nothing sells gas like a picture of a kid on a bike.

Due to our frequent explosions, the local fire department is always on-site, ready to climb ladders and hold branches.

Come see our broken sign.

■ Our shop, already is these only 19m2 large, included innumerable products. Because the shop is in principle small, the assortment has also arranged as a result, with the so-called ' runners '. - Translated

That's still a lot more coherent than most of the gas station websites I've seen.

Syarikat Anda Service Station

2005-01-17T23:20:00.000-06:00

Bad gas station websites are not a purely American phenonemon. Witness the Syarikat Anda Service Station site from Malaysia.

■ So Drive In.......And Drive Out......Smiling

Be careful not to look at the animated car image too long. It could cause a seizure.

I adore the hand-drawn map. I just can't figure out how he hand-drew the animated angel looking through the telescope.

■ I'm sorry, our staff is all on leave. So we rounded up a few ragtags off the street, dressed them up (after giving them a shower) and took a picture. Thanks guys. We like our staff to be in tiptop condition in order to be able to serve you better so every morning each of them performs the recommended physical exercises.

I don't know what the woman on the right is doing, but I don't think that exercise is recommended.

■ Your car's OK! but are You?

I think the real question is, are you okay? I mean, your name is Ah Kok.

Be sure to attend Kok's Kar Klinic the next time you're in Malaysia.

Read about Miss Fifi's Favourite Five. You figure it out.

Allenwood Exxon

2005-01-16T19:43:00.000-06:00

I tried. I really did. But I just can't figure out this site. The title of the posting above links to the History page with some lovely midi.

Clicking the "Home" button at the top brings up this page, because it's always good to have your main web page coerce your visitors to upgrade their browsers without any indication of what your site is for.

Of course, the "Click here to enter my site" link is broken.

Okay, now that we have that settled, on to the site.

■ Click on the map to browse

Clicking on the "map" (which just contains an error message), brings up yet another error message:
■ Unrecognized format. Unable to locate settings family

I hope someone finds the poor Settings family soon. Susie Settings is afraid of the dark.

I think we also found the source of all the midi that appears on gas station websites from around the world. Thank you, WavQueen.

There's also a Fun Kids' Stuff page. I give up trying to understand this site. This page has more midi, a lot of flashing graphics and a homemade Nickelodeon logo.

■ Before you return to my cover sheet -- (uh, wait -- you mean this isn't a fax?) -- check out my church! (I'm the organist.) I'm the web coordinator for the church... And the more hits the better. :) Here, lemme help. Click here to go back to the toolbar at the top.

Enough. I give up. No more. Please.

■ Yes, it's true... I'm a lover of sound. Good sound, preferably. (An example of bad sound might be, say, your stomach growling in the middle of a silent prayer; or perhaps a creaking noise in the attic when you're home alone!)

Gaahhh...

Quick Hits

2005-01-15T21:05:00.000-06:00

Quick Hits is a new feature on Gas Station Websites that comments on sites that don't quite warrant their own posting, but are still pretty hilarlious.

Moses' Walnut 76
Submitted by Derek Woo.

That flashing Free Gas link sure looks tempting, but then you get to the fine print. It's only free if you pay for something else. I'd expect more honesty from a man named Moses.

You can contact Moses, Larry and Duff. I guess they fired Curly.

These coupons sure are pretty. It's good to know this one is good for "most cars."

Thanks for the submission, Derek!

A & T Tire & Auto Care Center

■ "Complete auto repair service"

Everything is complete except for the links. Those words in the frame on the left that look like links? They aren't links.

Crestwood Chevron

■ A Consumer Guide Gasoline Octane for Cars!

As opposed to...?

Honorable mention for the page transition.

Royson's Blythewood Automotive

Not very funny at first glance, but it does include this picture and this link:

■ Click here to hear Bobby explain what service with integrity means.. WMA 06:17

Yes. This is a six minute interview with the owner of the establishment. Why anyone would be interested in hearing about the owner's grandma is beyond me. Highlights include the interviewer's cell phone ringing at 2:38 and someone coming in asking for the keys to the Cavalier at 4:47 (by the way, it's 117). It's too bad there isn't a way to edit audio files. Someone should invent that.

Joe's Towing and Recovery

2005-01-14T18:40:00.000-06:00

■ "The TOWfessionals" For all your towing needs.

That is one delicious pun.

I couldn't possibly write anything to make this picture funnier.

■ We can tow Anything

Make sure you scroll down to see the Car Fishing section:
■ Seriously, we were called out by Adams County Sheriff Dept. to pull a vehicle out of a pond, Actually, there were 3 vehicles in this pond. It seems that this is a favorite dumping spot for stolen vehicles. They just left the other 2 vehicles in the pond because they belonged to the guy that owned the property the pond is on.

So someone stole two of the guy's cars, and dumped them in his own pond? Something sounds FISHY! Get it?! FISHY?! POND?! TOWFESSIONALS!

View our Guestbook where our customers complain about us!

In the "Archives" guestbook, you can see gems like this:

■ i am here and i love this site pls keep off.

But the single best feature about this site is the link to their very own online store!

■ Now YOU can look like one of the "CREW" at Joe's Towing & Recovery in Denver, Colorado!

I plan on purchasing the Dog T-Shirt.

Burke's Denrock Mobil

2005-01-13T23:24:00.000-06:00

Burke better be getting some dough from Budweiser for that commercial. Excellent sound quality, by the way.

You might want to crop that Mobil image too. Just a suggestion.

Only one NASCAR PIC from 2003? Burke, I am disappointed in you.

■ Burke's Mobil is a family run business for over 25 years.

How?

■ At Burke's Mobil we know your car is an expensive investment. That deserves our quality care.

It looks like two sentences, but it's not two sentences.

■ In memory of #3 Dale Earnhart.

Noonan's

2005-01-12T22:19:00.000-06:00

This pretty much says it all:
■ Noonan's was established in 1961 by partners Butch Noonan and Itchy Loundagin.

Itchy Loundagin is the single best name ever devised by mankind.

Excellent sound effects, but next time, try using MIDI. I'm talking to you, Rhiannon and Tyler.

Noonan's is friends with a truck and the New York Yankees.

■ 10% Total Discount by Downloading/Printing this page

If I have to download and print it, you can keep your lousy 10%.

Is it Speedy Lube or Spedi Lube? I need to know for tax purposes.

Art Clipp keeps getting electrocuted when he touches his large tool to this car, but he never learns his lesson. Mr. Clipp, those who do not learn history are doomed to repeat it.

Truck Inn

2005-01-11T20:26:00.000-06:00

This place has everything: Gas (and Fuel), Restaurant (featuring All You Can Eat Tacos on Tuesday nights for only $3.55 and Not Very French Toast), Deli, Motel, Convenience Store, Casino, Laundry, Showers, Crafter's Market and Leroy's Sports Book.

The Truck Inn is heartily endorsed by the cast of Hee Haw.

■ Showers Voted "Best in the West"

I demand a recount.

■ Leroy's Race and Sports Book

I wouldn't trust my money to a man who won't stand, or even turn around, for his picture in front of his sports book located in a gas station/casino.

Paul Tolbert was the last Employee of the Month. No one has won since then because Paul won't give the balloons back.

Utensils are optional at the Truck Inn!

"This is the second most romantic gas station you've ever taken me to, Herb."

Arrr.

The Shell Gang

2005-01-10T19:43:00.000-06:00

If you always thought working at a Shell sounded like a blast, you were right! Luisa has photographically documented how much fun it really is to work at a Shell station in Canada.

■ Update: Athena has moved on to bigger and better things! She's no longer a Shell Girl ;)

Translation: Athena realized she was way too hot to be working at a gas station. She's now living with a dude with his own Camaro.

■ Luisa and Steve. Ambulance, Fire or Police: Which would you like us to call for you? Don't mess with us!

Apparently there are emergencies at this gas station all the time. Although the threat at the end seems to imply that the emergencies are caused by the staff. Either way, I will be giving this particular gas station a wide berth for safety's sake.

■ Steve is always sleepy... It's been a Long Never Winter Night once again!

I hate those Long Never Winter Nights.

■ FRED, a.k.a. Petunia

If I were a girl named Fred, I'm not sure I would want Petunia to be my nickname.

■ TRAINEE 2 (KYLE) Update: FIRED! Didn't last 2 months! He Just didn't give a sh!t about anything...

Kyle has been accused of not caring about his job at a gas station on someone's website about the people that work at the gas station. I hope Kyle will be able to pick up the pieces and move on with his life. At least he can take comfort in his gigantic ring.

L & M Phillips 66

2005-01-08T23:52:00.000-06:00

The devil went down to Georgia and designed this gas station website. Incidentally, this gas station is located in Kansas.

■ We are no longer able to accpet Phillips 66 cards. We do not meet the new image of Phillips 66. Therefore Phillips 66 has dropped their account with us that allowed us to accept your Phillips 66 cards. We are sorry for any inconvenience this might cause you.

Really makes you wonder what this place looks like, doesn't it? L & M cares so much about their customers, they tell them the reason why their Phillips 66 cards will no longer be accepted. Was part of the reason not being able to spell "accepted"?

■ Right now we are offering $10 off wash, wax and vacuum service for your car or van or pickup to get it ready for the lake and upcoming Memorial Day Holiday.

I hate to ask, but which upcoming Memorial Day Holiday? 2002?

That's a sweet Camaro driving across the page.

There's the current date and time at the bottom of the page. The next time someone asks for the time, you can just navigate to http://www.geocities.com/lnm_phillips66/LnM_phillips66.html, scroll to the bottom of the page, and tell them.

Gem from the guestbook: "I found your website amazing."

The "next page" has one of the worst (best?) under construction graphics of all time. The construction workers eyes fall out of his head! Repeatedly!

Luke's Mobil

2005-01-07T21:15:00.000-06:00

This one only has a single page, but what a page! It's been able to combine some staples of GSW: blinking animated graphics, pictures of the staff (with captions!), bizarre punctuation, and a terrible background.

■ Paul Cole,Mechanic and woman's man

■ Jon Chesbrough aka cheeseburg

■ Ray Rust, tow driver and fellow diet dew drinker, and comedienne

Is Ray the Buick?

■ Tim Atkins, office,gas jockey and the guy who made this

We finally have a picture of the author of one of these sites.

■ T-REX

The filename for the T-REX photo is trex22222.jpg. I would like to see the other 22,221 pictures they have of T_REX.

There's only one entry in the Guestbook, but it's from Big Daddy.

There's a Dancing Homer thrown in for good measure at the bottom too.

Jeff's Bobby and Steve's Auto World

2005-01-04T20:13:00.000-06:00

Yes, the name of this place is Jeff's Bobby and Steve's Auto World. Apparently, Bobby and Steve started an AutoWorld. It was so popular that a guy named Jeff opened a franchise in the chain and called it Jeff's Bobby and Steve's Auto World. No, this name is not confusing.

■ Or, you can insert the required amount of cash and your starting your ride. Enjoy !

■ As you get pushed through the wash, look around inside your vehicle and on your way out, stop by our vacuums and get your car looking like new. We also have cleaning tools like, armor all to protect your dash from the sun. We have all the tools to detail your vehicle all in one stop, Jeff's Bobby and Steve's Auto World.

■ We all love Ice Cream, that's why Jeff's Bobby and Steve's features Bridgeman's Ice Cream ! Buy a cone or go for the gold and buy a carton, we've got it. As a local favorite, it will soon win your taste and become your favorite as well, if it hasn't already !

I have to go get some Jeff's Bobby and Steve's Bridgeman's ice cream.

■ So, your propane tank is thirsty ? We've got the solution - offering Propane Exchange.

■ Your Gas Pumps

■ Swipe your plastic right at the counter, and your on your way ! Convenience, think Jeff's Bobby and Steve's Auto World.

No gas station website is complete without pictures of the staff. Flattering. This guy is on here twice... maybe he's Jeff's, Bobby or Steve's.

Say hello to Webby.

Twin Towers Service Station

2005-01-03T23:04:00.000-06:00

Needs more MIDI!

It's a good thing they told me it's the "Twin Towers Service Station Online." I almost didn't realize it was online and tried to gas up my Mercury Cougar with my monitor.

Buy gas here or this tiger will eat your car!

Music by Lynyrd Skynyrd, logo by MS Paint.

Ladies and gentlemen, the world's slowest slideshow.

■ Please understand that part of this inspection involves taking photographs of your car. To achieve the high quality photographs that are required, the weather must be clement. We can not perform insurance inspections during rain, snow, or on overcast days. Please respect our decision, as we know what is acceptable.

You better not plan on getting in an accident on a cloudy day.

Turkys

2005-01-02T22:53:00.000-06:00

Oww. I don't know where to start. Just try to read it.

■ If you need a jerk, call the Turk.

■ FOR SALE NOW WC's(Bill Butt's) Mini convertible(It's Official!SOLD& on it's way to ToTo land,yep:KansasKeep an eye out for it on the Great Plains!

I have got to meet Bill Butt.

■ Toys from Argentina made with wire

Who wouldn't want to see that?

Okay, it's not exactly a gas station website, but it was close enough and funny enough to include.

Hinton Country Inn/Convenience Store/Gas Station

2005-01-01T11:02:00.000-06:00

Nice webcam picture of an atlas. This really helps me find your wonderful establishment.

Make sure you provide your fax number if you plan on sending an email.

■ For a Great Place to Stay, Visit Our Motel Today! (We hope you don't mind the fumes from our gas station!)

Juanita Firs Shell

2004-12-31T01:08:00.000-06:00

Roll over the picture of the Shell station and it magically becomes a Texaco station!

Handsome backgrounds.

Check out the team. Be sure to rollover Steve 2003. He turns into a beautiful woman. Say hello to Gongo while you're there.

The eye sees all.

■ Philip Amundsen - One mean tromboner

■ Our canopy clearance is 12' 0', but on the street side of the far island, the clearance is unlimited.

Keytesville Grocery

2004-12-30T01:14:00.000-06:00

Here are step by step instructions for setting up your own Grocery Store/Gas Station. Be sure to hire Dirty Larry.

■ We are open!

■ Our first employee! (He did not work out and had to go back to Minnesota where he came from)

■ This is our brand new overhead door. You have try to believe how smooth it is!

■ Free frosting and cake mix! ( Was found behind the peg board. MMMMM.)

Menlo-Atherton Shell

2004-12-29T02:04:00.000-06:00

Two words: Wonderful Tonight.

One more word: Transitions.

Please, no more apostrophe's.

■ Kliffi likes to do the dirty stuff.

■ Marco: He is our strongest tech. He likes the big stuff: Engines, transmissions, suspensions etc...

■ We are located on the corner of El Camino Real and Glenwood Ave, "Across from BlockBuster and Menlo Collage".

Dave's Standard

2004-12-28T13:50:00.000-06:00

The site that started this blog. This one has it all: bad backgrounds, bad grammar, nonsense.

■ Just ask Dave if you have any questions at all, or anybody else that is working at that time.

■ We also have a 5/5/5 deal on movies with the yellow dots.

For more fun, check out the website for Fertile, MN that Dave's website is part of.