All-Stop

I can't decide what's funnier: a really half-assed amateur gas station website, or one that was taken really really seriously. Please turn up your speakers for this one.

I like the "pause" feature on the home page. Just in case I get interrupted during my visit and want to catch the end of what he's saying. Thoughtful.

■ Need lunch, enjoy a sub made the way you like.

Need a question mark, I think you do.

■ Don't forget the fresh baked cookies, rolls, doughnuts, brownies and other items.

Mmmm... other items.

■ Don't forget to join our coffee club.

Why do you think I'm so forgetful? It's insulting.

■ Great for company vehicles, fleet programs, personal or gifts

Great for personal?

It's a first. "This Months Specials" are actually for this month. They are still missing an apostrophe though.

Got your speakers turned up yet? Dig the slap bass and groovy transitions. It's almost like being in a gas station. Incredible.

This one sounds like you're watching The Weather Channel. My favorite transition is the toilet flush at 0:20. I like the random zooming too.

Ooo... funky. I can't believe I just sat through all three of these.

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I have to, don't I?

9:30 PM     |    

Olde Town Car Care Shell

Old Town Texaco changed to a Shell station. They also added an "e" to Old. But then didn't feel they had to change their domain name. What's confusing about that?

■ Jeff Hale opened Olde Towne Car Care in 1983.

Oh, they also added an "e" to Town. Sometimes.

■ Tires and Computer Wheel Alignment

I need my tires aligned, but my computer wheels are fine, thanks.

■ Jeff is unusual in that he is an on-site owner and operator.

I stopped reading when I got to "unusual," and nodded.

■ He is also accomplished mechanic

1. but not an accomplished writer.
2. Yeah Jeff, the "a" in "accomplished" counts as the article "a" even though it should be "an." That's grammatically correct.

■ and "turned a wrench" himself for the first five years.

His wrist must be tired.

■ He lives in Alexandria, and started school at Groveton Elementary, which is today called West Potomac.

I always thought it was customary to include where you went to college on your resume, but when all you got through was elementary school, what choice do you have? Although, this sentence is so cleverly worded, we can't be sure Jeff actually completed elementary school.

■ As the saying goes, you "can eat off of the floors" in the shop, they are kept so clean.

This practice has stunted the growth of the staff.

■ Cliff, better known as Doc, has been the head technician for ten years, and also lives in Alexandria.

You know Jeff is the only one who calls Cliff "Doc," and you know Cliff hates it.

■ Jeff has two teenaged sons, Steve and Kenny. They work at the station during the summer, and Steve is interested in an automotive career.

The less said about Kenny, the better.

9:43 PM     |