Why do gas station's need website's? Because their hilarliously awful!*
Saturday, March 26, 2005
Gulfoil Historical Society
■ "The Gulfoil Historical Society has been using the acronym "GOHS" since it's inception in 1999. Recently, the "Government Office of Homeland Security" has been using the same acronym. The Gulfoil Historical Society is not associated in any way with the Government Office of Homeland Security, and acts in no way as an agency thereof.
No one, ever, under any circumstances, ever, in a million years, ever, would confuse this site with a government agency. I mean, little Gulf logos follow your mouse pointer around the screen.
Who knew ancient Roman statues were such big fans of Gulf oil?
■ The GOHS publishes a quarterly newsletter, "The GULFPRIDE". It contains lots of GULF stuff, articles of interest, historical information, reference material, and some fun humorous items as well.
How in the world can you have enough material for a quarterly newsletter? Someone please email me a scan of this thing. I bet it's hilarlious.
■ At the 5th Annual Meeting, in Oil City, PA., on July 12, 2003 the membership present agreed to a motion which affects Wives, Children, and significant others, of GOHS members. The motion was to offer them full membership in GOHS at half price, $12.50 / yr. Full membership includes voting rights, committee positions, elected positions, and of course the right to work hard on any job that needs done. Each member of your family can join at full status provided you reside at the same address, and will share the same mailings.
So he suffocated you in a plastic bag?!
Don's lovely wife.
■ Art Gray sporting a pair of very rare NO-NOX cardboard glasses...
I don't know what the guy on the right is laughing at. He's at the 4th Annual Meeting of the Gulfoil Historical Society.
The guy on the left here thought he was at a meeting of the Gulf Mustache Historical Society.
And finally, the guy in the middle here didn't get the memo not to wear his uniform to the meeting. His bow tie is cute though.
Thanks to JM for the submission!
Monday, March 14, 2005
Bill Burmaster, let me introduce you to John Cirillo. Like our good friend Bill, John's "hobby" involves pictures of gas station signs.
■ I began this project in 1996 by scanning some images of my small collection of roadmaps, and photographing some of the gas stations I saw during my travels.
I like how this is a "project." I can't believe he hasn't lost interest in this project for 9 years.
■ We are presenting them here for history's sake, lest they be forgotten in the world of ever-changing gasoline brands.
Yeah, lest they. That would be a shame.
Poor Avalon was in a concentration camp.
Fuelman kicks your fanny.
Hey, look! It's pictures of a gas station! ...I don't get it. He has no point. It's just pictures of gas stations with a little text saying things like "These three shots are of the first Admiral station to appear in the Lafayette, Indiana area." Does anyone care about this? I mean besides David Backlin?
Say hi to Luigi for me.
■ There are no more Skat stations remaining today.
Probably because "scat" means "poop."
Bill Burmaster may also have pictures of highway signs, but John Cirillo has pictures of his Dodge Dart and John's Essential Packing List featuring "metal mirror (good for shaving, and for signalling small aircraft when lost)."
Thanks again to Emma for submitting another winner!
Saturday, March 12, 2005
WARNING: If you suffer from seizures, DO NOT visit this site. You have been warned.
■ Earths #1 Supplier of Antique Gas Pumps and Soda Machines!
I wonder who the #1 Supplier of Antique Gas Pumps and Soda Machines is on Earth. If I'm ever on Earths, I'm definitely checking out Bob's Garage.
■ Nowhere else in the Galaxy can you find this kind of quality or selection of Oil, Gas and Soda Vintage Antiques and accessories!
Is it #1 on Earths or in the Galaxy? There's a big difference. I'm not even sure if Earths is in a Galaxy.
Let's go to the hop. But watch out for that car.
■ Every product from Bob's Garage is built by hand using old world craftsmanship and materials made in the USA. Your Bob's Garage vintage antique or collectible is a one-of-kind piece of Americana that will be the center of attention and appreciate in value year after year.
Let me see if I can summarize: "We sell old world USA Americana."
Here's a bunch of stuff that used to be for sale. Useful.
Nothing says "Professional" like this guy.
Someone please donate $599. I need a lubester.
■ Working crank handle with original type hardwood knob and casters.
I love it when you talk dirty, Bob.
■ 1935 Wayne 60 Electric Calculating Pump restored to Mobilgas Special. The finest example of this classic collector pump you'll ever see inside and out. No expense spared. New hose, base, ad glass, sight glass, crank, porcelain, stainless trim, etc.
I normally wouldn't spend $3750 on a gas pump, but it does have a new hose...
■ Occasionally, a vintage or made to order piece may have a minor imperfection as these products are made by human hands and not by God.
Wait a minute, I'm confused. Bob is God.
Thanks for the submission, Emma!
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
■ MacBeth's Store has been a recognizable landmark in Cook Forest State Park for many, many years.
Aren't most landmarks recognizable? But then again, most landmarks aren't gas stations.
■ Open daily early in the morning and late into the evening, our friendly staff are here to give you directions, help you get your fire started, gear you up with supplies for the day, or just offer you a comfortable bench to relax and watch passerbys.
Their staff is open daily. And it's "passersby."
■ And more importantly, we're just about the only place to get these things in the park, without leaving the park!
I hate those stores that sell those things in the park, but I have to leave the park to get to the store that is in the park.
■ MacBeth's Store is more than a store though.
Then that's not a very good name, is it?
John doing his world famous mimed pogostick routine.
And the piece de resistance:
■ "I want to work in your store when I'm 12 years old. Please keep me an opening. Thank you very much."
p.s. You ROCK!!!
Yes, I think Gas Station Websites has a bright future with people like Martina ready to take over.
Saturday, March 05, 2005
It doesn't look like there's much to this site, but you have to look a little deeper.
■ On Main Street in downtown Fortuna
For some reason, Mapquest can't map this address.
■ We offer for sale the highest quality petroleum products to our customers.
The web "designer" proposes this copy:
We offer the highest quality gasoline.
A group of highly paid marketing people huddle for a while...
"You know, our website visitors may not realize who the gasoline is offered to."
We offer the highest quality gasoline to our customers.
"There. That's better. But you know, we offer more than just gasoline. We offer diesel and oil too."
We offer the highest quality petroleum products to our customers.
"Yes. Good. Hmm... Oh crap. Our website visitor might think we're just giving this stuff away!"
We offer for sale the highest quality petroleum products to our customers.
■ We have complete fuel availability, including diesel #2 for autos We also carry high quality automotive oils, all at competitive prices.
Marketing people: "Drop the period after autos."
■ On Main Street in downtown Fortuna
Repeating a vague address doesn't make it any less vague. It's like shouting in a foreign language.
■ - Lottery tickets
- Snacks and Candy
- Ice Cream
- Clean and friendly atmosphere
- High quality employees
- Friendly personnel
- Lots of parking
Why are employees high quality while the personnel is friendly? Is that how they determine whether you are an employee or a personnel? During the job interview, if you smile, they make you personnel. If you can count, you're an employee. If you don't do either, they put you in marketing.
Thursday, March 03, 2005
Billy's Service Station
There's a bit of a glitch in the Australian flag, but there's nothing broken with that sweet hot rod.
Billy's Service Station is so massive, it can only be captured with a fisheye lens.
■ MOVING FORWARD, INTO THE PAST
You just blew my mind.
■ I first got the idea to build a full size authentic replica of Billy's on my own property, when visiting America about 6 years ago, and started collecting old signs, gas pumps, coke fridges etc for restoration.
Yes, that's right folks. This is not the original Billy's Service Station. This is a full size replica build in Australia.
■ Construction began in Febuary 1999, and was completed to its present state by September. The dimentions of the building are 20 meters long by 9 meters wide. The collection of Mobilia began 6 years.
And the dementia of the webmaster is also 20 meters long by 9 meters wide.
Classic. I should use that apostrophe in my tagline.
The name of the guy that built this gas station is Greg. So does that make it Greg's Billy's Gas Station?
■ My future ideas and intentions are to build onto Billy's, an authentic "American Diner", this will probably start within the next 12 months.
I don't see any pictures of Billy's Diner. Do you think he lost interest?
■ During the construction, Peter travelled to Brisbane to see how progress was going, and to imput further ideas which we took on board and are extremely grateful for.
I heard Peter's imput made quite an inpression on Greg.
Some gems from the Guestbook:
■ great stuff Greg,got your website out of Cruzin Mag.would love to see more pics of your gas pumps.keep collecting,cheers mick
This website was featured in a magazine?! I bet mick would like to see more pics of Greg's gas pumps.
■ How do I get my wife to agree to this?
I think you're in the wrong guestbook.
■ Name: travis mckee
Comments: hey what's up i thought i would be nice and give you a TTTTTIIIIIMMMMMMMMMMYYYY! right now your about ten metres away in the other room he
I wish I were 10 metres away from an 81 year old fetish friend right now.
Wednesday, March 02, 2005
Daniel Junction Store
■ Fuel for whatever your needs or vehical requires
This sentence makes me say "Rrraaaaarrrrrr!"
By "sporting goods," they mean Doritos.
■ Daily – weekly - & monthly rates available.
That's - pretty - & cool.
I don't know how they get these two to pose for the picture.
In case you thought the dashes and ampersand were a typo:
■ We also offer grocery items – BEER – SODA - & HOME BAKED GOODS.
Anatomy of a GSWMany people have asked what it takes to become a Gas Station Website. The more of the following, the better. The GSW tagline has several examples of these.
Named to the My Yahoo! Editors' Picks
Named a Yahoo! New and Notable Site - 01/14/2005
*I never thought I had to do this, but I guess I gave some of my readers too much credit. The four (yes, there are four, not one or two like most of the grammar "experts" point out) errors in the tagline are indeed intentional. It's called irony. Thank you. (For those of you that got it, congratulations.)