J & B Market, Inc.

I hope you like fish.

These lasers are burning my eyes.

■ J & B Market, Inc. is located on highway 441 at traffic light #10 in Pigeon Forge, TN.

If you hit traffic light #11, you've gone too far.

■ If you are brilliant enough to realize that your car runs better on Chevron gas, you'll want to stop by for a visit when vacationing in the Smokies.

Brilliant.

■ Of course, we DO have a few who prefer our hickory smoked BBQ sandwich or our signature sandwich, the BIG NASTY!

I made a promise to myself that after the last time, I would never eat something called the BIG NASTY ever again.

■ We have 7 campgrounds who are within walking distance to us

Those campgrounds are really swell fellows once you get to know them.

■ You'd be surprised how many OTHERS are just like you...lost in the Smokies. We can help. Come on in.

If I'm lost in the Smokies, I doubt I'll be able TO find traffic light #10.

■ Where's Dolly Parton drive? answer: Wherever she wants to! ha ha...oh, you mean Dolly Parton Parkway? It is in Sevierville. You are in Pigeon Forge. GO to traffic light #8, take a right, follow the road until you come to the third traffic light, and THAT is Dolly Parton Parkway.

Dude, I can't even find traffic light #10, let alone traffic light #8, or the third traffic light.

There's also an entire second page of funny tourist questions. And by second page, I mean it repeats half the questions and answers on the first page.

■ PIGEON FORGE CAR SHOWS FOR 1999

Timely.

I just want to know, is that Charlie Daniels in the bottom picture too?

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